Yay, 1920-2010

Our Cambodian Grandmother or “Yay” (the Khmer word for Grandmother) passed away on Wednesday, May 12th, 2010. We were in Ratanakiri at the time, and she was actually no longer staying at our house and was staying at another one of her children’s places in Siem Reap. She was 90 years old….and what a life she has led through the years of this country’s existence.

I’m really glad we had the opportunity to get to know her. She was an amazing woman and we will miss her smile and her wonderful squeaky, giggle of a laugh, and seeing her sitting in the hammock out in front.

. . .

We were able to catch the third day of her funeral, which was the final day. In the Buddhist religion, it is customary to cremate a person who has passed away. I was a little apprehensive taking part of the ceremony because I had never been to anything like that before, but in the end I was glad we were able to be a part of it. The gathering itself was much like many other ceremonies here, big tents, lots of tables and chairs, friends and family come, there is food, prayers, and offerings. The custom though is for everyone to wear white and a small sash or pinned on fabric of black to show sympathy for the departed.

That night we joined everyone for dinner, and afterwards sat as the monks gave their prayers and people gave their final speeches (including our host mother) to everyone about ‘Yay’s’ life. Usually cremations happen at a specially equipped place near pagodas, but this family decided to do it at this particular house. I guess the reasoning was because they felt that ‘grandma’ was different, she was a very clean, independent woman, and they thought it would only be right to have it be more of a private ceremony at the house. So for the ceremony, they had built up sort of a stage where they put the casket on the third level on top. Everything was decorated with beautiful flowers and black and white streamers.

After all of the speeches and prayers were done, they allowed members of the family to view her, in the casket one last time. Then, when everyone had said their goodbyes, everyone sat back in the audience and the workers prepared for the cremation to begin. They actually covered the casket on all four sides with dark metal sheets, and put a about a thirty-foot chimney into the air above it. And actually, in this country if the family has money – they’ll set off some fireworks when the cremation ceremony starts as sort of a salute to that person’s life. So they had wired up a series of fireworks that actually connected to the fuse where the flame would start the casket on fire. Since the casket was completely encased, you couldn’t even see any of the flames. Eventually, all you could see was the smoke gently going up into the sky, and it almost had this very peaceful element, as if Yay, was going up into the heavens above.

I’m not sure how it compares to other funerals, since this was done at the house, but I imagine they are similar in nature. It was interesting to observe, and I’m glad we were able to pay our respects during this ceremony. I also am grateful for the small moments we were able to have with our ‘Yay’ while in country here. It was definitely a nice part of our experience getting to know her. May she rest in peace.