She came round the corner….

Dec. 30, 2008
It always warms your heart just a little when someone unexpectedly acknowledges you.

I was sitting at our new table on our patio working on some lesson plans this afternoon. I had the curtain drawn as the sun was shining down, because it helps to create some shade.

As I was thinking about how I was going to explain when to use the word “some” and when to use the word “any” to one of my students, I heard the faint sound of someone slowly and gently gliding their feet across the cement on the walkway to our patio.

Sure enough, just when I turned my head, ‘yaey’ was standing there. (Yaey – is the word for grandmother). She is our host mom’s mother. She is 89 years old. She is an interesting woman and she has been staying here for the last month and a half or so.

I can only imagine she has been through a lot in her lifetime. Yet, she is a kind, quiet woman. She’s this tiny little thing… with a scratchy worn out voice and a decent set of ears. Usually we find her laying in the hammock or on one of the benches in the front yard. She has a shaved head – which is a custom for elderly women…. (I believe it has something to do with the Buddhist religion). She hardly has any teeth – and also chews this red stuff (I’m not sure what it’s called) but it’s some sort of light stimulant, that we’ve also seen many other elderly women chew on; not quite chewing tobacco, but something similar I guess. Regardless of what it is, I don’t think it’s good for the teeth and gums.

Anyhow, despite the lack of teeth, each time we so much as mutter a “sua-s’dei!” (hello) – or “Dtau neak sohksadai te?” (How are you?) – she gives us a great big smile, as she is pleased that we can speak a little Khmer and that we have acknowledged her.

She is surprisingly active; and is still able to do the ‘Asian’ squat. I swear people learn how to do it at age 1, and apparently still can squat like that at age 89. I can barely do it for a few minutes, and then I grab for the small stool that I use when I need to be that close to the ground. But yes - occasionally we’d see her in the yard pulling weeds or raking the dirt to tidy the place up a bit.

The other night we had dinner with the family, and our host dad excused himself a little early as there was boxing on TV that night (Cambodians LOVE to watch boxing). Then when I finished my meal, I was walking towards the kitchen to bring my dishes to be washed, I glanced in the living room and ‘Yaey’ was sitting right next to our host dad, eyes glued to the tv watching boxing as well. She seemed to be into it, and then Will asked her if the guy in blue or the guy in red was better. After the guy in the blue shorts took a good swipe at his opponent, ‘Yaey’ said, “Poah Keeyoo, cheeung la’auh”. (Color blue is better).

She is fairly with-it for looking so weak and frail. Nonetheless we’ve enjoyed having her company around. Last weekend I had just gotten off the phone with my family after they called to wish me a Merry Christmas. I told everyone here that my family said, “Hello!” Then ‘Yaey’ asked me if I missed my family. I said, “Yes, I miss them very much. And my mother and father miss us a lot too. But usually we try to talk once in a week or two and that is nice and it helps.” She laughed and said, “Aht niyay, aht nuk” – meaning ‘don’t talk, don’t miss.’ I had to laugh because it wasn’t what I’d expect to come out of her mouth….and I said, I’d try to tell my mom that one, but I don’t think she’d agree.

Then the other day, I was offering my new favorite snack that I’ve found in the market which is essentially peanut brittle, to the family. – I offered some to our host brother Dara, who took some, and then to host dad Vonn, and he said he didn’t want any because the sugar will make him fat, and host mom Socheat didn’t want any either for the same reason. I was debating on whether or not to offer any to ‘Yaey’ because I knew what her answer would be no, but I thought I’d ask her to be polite anyway, – and she answered by saying, “No,…. I don’t have any teeth” – and kind of sighed and shrugged off the matter of fact. – Ha, again an answer out of her mouth that sort of surprised me.

Anyhow she seems like she was the type of woman who was a go-getter in her day, and who knew what she wanted and how to get it. I mean, the woman gave birth to nine children. She survived the Khmer Rouge in her mid-fifties. And she’s still kickin’ around pulling weeks in the yard in the Asian squat position… and can do so for hours.

Anyway, she came quietly around the corner, slowly and all alone (which was a little surprising to me, as she’s never approached me directly)… but she was standing there and simply wanted to tell me ‘goodbye’ as she was going back into Siem Reap to her house near Angkor. (She lives really close to Angkor Wat on some land where they grow lots of mango and papaya trees.) She said this all to me in basic Khmer, so that I would be sure to understand. She also told me to tell Will goodbye as well and that she would miss us, and that we should visit her at her house there.

I don’t know what it was about it, but I just found it so sweet and touching. It had caught me off guard so much and it was nice that she thought to simply come and tell us good bye and that she’d be gone for a while… and she was so endearing when she said it. She placed her hand on my arm and said, “Please come to visit me! I will miss you!” And that was that.