Moments and feelings.....

It's funny how certain moments and feelings seem to stick in your head (and your tummy) even though they are few and far between. It's almost the same exact feeling each time, but you forget about those feelings after you move on and get settled in.

It's the resurfacing of those same exact feelings that hits you and makes you think. I remember having this feeling maybe one of the first times I was going away to spend a week with my grandparents, probably around age 4. I remember it on the first day of school, for elementary, junior high and high-school. I remember having this feeling when I was first dropped off at college at USD and when my parents finally left me after I was all moved in. I also remember sitting at the Perkins restaurant in Duluth hardly being able to eat my chocolate chipper sundae because of that very same feeling.

Once again that same feeling entered my bones for the first time in a while. It was yesterday.... it first started when I said goodbye to my neighbor girls Annie & Carlie. Annie is going to be in 8th grade and Carlie will be in 4th grade. I met these lovely young ladies a several years ago and every time I've been home we've found time to spend together.... whether it was a trip to Zesto, going ice skating, shooting hoops, or jumping on the trampoline.... I've watched these girls grow each time I've been back. I got hugs from them yesterday and they told me to tell Will a "hi & goodbye" and wished me well with sort of sad looks in their eyes; yet there was this enthusiasm and excitement when they said, "see you in two years!"

The moment I began to walk through the grass back to my house, that familiar old feeling was again entering my bones and everything was beginning to sink in.

The feeling continued on while just hanging out with my folks knowing that it will be a while before we will be together again. It was the same feeling that I got at Perkins in Duluth about seven years ago, that quickly re-surfaced last night at dinner.

I will see them one more time before I leave, but knowing that it was my last night at my home for a long time is what made everything begin to hurt. When that moment finally settles in and you begin to feel that rush of emotions, you know that things are going to be different, you know that it is real and it is happening right now.

For the most part, I've noticed this feeling occurs at turning points in my life. It's usually something I'm excited for and something that I've strived for -- but even with all that excitement, I am reminded of how I got to this point and of the loved ones who've provided support whether they knew it or not. Those are the ones who helped me grow to be who I am today and they are also the ones who are hardest to leave behind.

I am thankful for all the encouragement and support I've gotten for this next journey . . . it makes life good and helps me to keep on, keepin' on.

until next time~
-steph